Cher Journal,
I have missed you. Actually I haven't really, because I've been writing and deleting and not getting enough courage to post here. This blog is private but sometimes I feel like I'm exposing myself too much. Speaking of exposing, people like me who've gone through so much in life find it very difficult to be in any kind of relationship. This is because we are weary and always on the lookout for any potential hurt by the other person. I'm not much of a horoscope fanatic but I'm a Capricorn and I read somewhere online that Capricorns are really sensitive people. That they love too much, they are sweet in nature but at the same time very fearful. I think this is true. This description somehow resonates with my personality. You would expect somebody who is sensitive to be sensitive to other guys as well right? But stick around I explain in the next few paragraphs what sort of person I am. Before doing that though, let me clarify that today's pot is in blue because before starting to write it I googled "What is the color of loyalty?" and the result was blue. Then in my head I'm thinking is it royal blue or ingwe blue or sky blue? I decided to just use this blue and I hope it's loyal enough. Btw, to all my kikuyu peeps I hope you understand the difference between loyal and royal.
So back to the kind of person that I am...I'm the girl that loves fiercely, I'm the girl that would go way out of my way for you if I love you, I'm that girl who would always be criticized by all her friends as being some hopeless romantic. Actually I believe in this love is blind phrase, especially because lately I have been thinking of my ex's and what I have done for them. I mean, out of the blue when I don't even know where my next meal is coming from, I buy you a Daniel Wellington watch; I bet you've never heard of this and you just know Casio watches and disco watches; speaking of which, anyone who was born after 1990 would possible not know what a disco watch is. I bet the first time it hit you what disco means is when you were going for rave and your parents start reminiscing about their "disco days" *roll eyes at this point* I digress, basically what I'm saying is I have every so often been accused even by my family for putting my boyfriends first before them. The other day Iris was asking me whether it just comes naturally for me to forget she exists soon after I start seeing someone. Of course I went on the defensive and the argument ended with her telling me that I had better marry the one I'm currently with because in the event of a break up she will definitely take the hands off approach. This scared me a bit then I calmed myself with marriage thoughts. Yes every unmarried girl has this, whether secretly or openly. In every ten girls on Facebook, nine of them have liked wedding dress or wedding event planning pages.
You will excuse my style of writing today, I'll keep digressing because my thoughts are a bit scattered. I want to tell you about something I'm going through. I feel like telling you will help me calm down. So this is how it goes, in 2012 I fell in love in the most unexpected ways. 2012 wasn't really a good year. In February I lost a close brother in law to be. My mum just gave birth to two girls and in this guy, I got that brother that I never had. He was a friend and a true mentor. The day he died he had called me but I had such a terrible hangover I told him I'd call him back. In life we have so many regrets, this is one of them. I should have just listened to him, maybe he would have offered some wise advice about what I'm currently going through. So this guy was to get married in June but he dies in February, I'm left thinking "Really God??" Reminds me of the song Ironic by Allanis Morisette; one of my favorites by the way. There is a line that goes like "it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, it's meeting the man of your dreams then meeting his beautiful wife isn't it ironic?" Anyway so the guy dies and in the burial I meet his close friend. Let's call him MSK. He is these kind of people that you don't notice at first then later there is some need to know what they are all about. MSK was a close friend to my bro in law to be and so it came naturally that they had some similarities. He would sometimes laugh like him, make the same jokes like him and even dance like him. Because of this he managed to get to me without necessarly
I have missed you. Actually I haven't really, because I've been writing and deleting and not getting enough courage to post here. This blog is private but sometimes I feel like I'm exposing myself too much. Speaking of exposing, people like me who've gone through so much in life find it very difficult to be in any kind of relationship. This is because we are weary and always on the lookout for any potential hurt by the other person. I'm not much of a horoscope fanatic but I'm a Capricorn and I read somewhere online that Capricorns are really sensitive people. That they love too much, they are sweet in nature but at the same time very fearful. I think this is true. This description somehow resonates with my personality. You would expect somebody who is sensitive to be sensitive to other guys as well right? But stick around I explain in the next few paragraphs what sort of person I am. Before doing that though, let me clarify that today's pot is in blue because before starting to write it I googled "What is the color of loyalty?" and the result was blue. Then in my head I'm thinking is it royal blue or ingwe blue or sky blue? I decided to just use this blue and I hope it's loyal enough. Btw, to all my kikuyu peeps I hope you understand the difference between loyal and royal.
So back to the kind of person that I am...I'm the girl that loves fiercely, I'm the girl that would go way out of my way for you if I love you, I'm that girl who would always be criticized by all her friends as being some hopeless romantic. Actually I believe in this love is blind phrase, especially because lately I have been thinking of my ex's and what I have done for them. I mean, out of the blue when I don't even know where my next meal is coming from, I buy you a Daniel Wellington watch; I bet you've never heard of this and you just know Casio watches and disco watches; speaking of which, anyone who was born after 1990 would possible not know what a disco watch is. I bet the first time it hit you what disco means is when you were going for rave and your parents start reminiscing about their "disco days" *roll eyes at this point* I digress, basically what I'm saying is I have every so often been accused even by my family for putting my boyfriends first before them. The other day Iris was asking me whether it just comes naturally for me to forget she exists soon after I start seeing someone. Of course I went on the defensive and the argument ended with her telling me that I had better marry the one I'm currently with because in the event of a break up she will definitely take the hands off approach. This scared me a bit then I calmed myself with marriage thoughts. Yes every unmarried girl has this, whether secretly or openly. In every ten girls on Facebook, nine of them have liked wedding dress or wedding event planning pages.
You will excuse my style of writing today, I'll keep digressing because my thoughts are a bit scattered. I want to tell you about something I'm going through. I feel like telling you will help me calm down. So this is how it goes, in 2012 I fell in love in the most unexpected ways. 2012 wasn't really a good year. In February I lost a close brother in law to be. My mum just gave birth to two girls and in this guy, I got that brother that I never had. He was a friend and a true mentor. The day he died he had called me but I had such a terrible hangover I told him I'd call him back. In life we have so many regrets, this is one of them. I should have just listened to him, maybe he would have offered some wise advice about what I'm currently going through. So this guy was to get married in June but he dies in February, I'm left thinking "Really God??" Reminds me of the song Ironic by Allanis Morisette; one of my favorites by the way. There is a line that goes like "it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, it's meeting the man of your dreams then meeting his beautiful wife isn't it ironic?" Anyway so the guy dies and in the burial I meet his close friend. Let's call him MSK. He is these kind of people that you don't notice at first then later there is some need to know what they are all about. MSK was a close friend to my bro in law to be and so it came naturally that they had some similarities. He would sometimes laugh like him, make the same jokes like him and even dance like him. Because of this he managed to get to me without necessarly
